best chatup lines?

following on from the women thread....????

 

I normally just make em' laugh...the hard part is approaching a total stranger tho...

 

Hey, How are you ? or

Hi, How are you ?

Never seem to fail

 

My face is leavin in ten minutes, be on it

As long as I have a face, you'll always have somewhere to sit

Or you could take the German option.

German guy approaches a prostitute. "I vish to buy sex vit you". "OK" says the girl, "I'll charge £80 an hour".

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky". "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky".

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs".


The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees"


She duly does this, balancing on the springs. "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She finds this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying. The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.


The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say: "That was totally amazing, what do you call that?"


"Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique".

 

hehehhehe thats good mart.


oh, and me? chat up lines :S erm...hello there, my names Rory. how are you...

 

Can you please take your top off? I am missing out on the view.

Perhaps not....

 

'Hello, i'm Dr Alden-Salter, can i give you a lift home in my lexus' used to work quite well. unfortunately replacing lexus with 'seat alhambra with no rear seats and a kiddy seat strapped into the remaining passenger seat' doesn;t seem to meet with as much success.
still it's personality that counts eh?
cheers


julian.

 

Hi

'Get yer coat on, you've pulled!'.

Always works for me.

SCIDB

 

If you're not a lesbian come with me, if you are bring a friend

 

Hello, I'm interested in HiFi


oh sorry, just noticed thread was best chatup lines

 

Do you want to ****? Do you mind laying down whilst I do?

 

The word of the day is legs, lets go out side and spread the word.

 

Ironicaly out of all the chat up lines on here, that will probably get the best the reuslts. Although I doubt even then the results will be good.

 

in my past wilder days "yes im with the band" used to work wonders

 

In the immortal words of Roy Chubby Brown, "I'm no Gynacologist, but I'll have a f****** good look at it for you

 

" D'ya fancy going halves on a bastard ?"

 

Haha I like that one, very mean and subtle. Lets just hope the woman dosn't agree to it though.

 

'You don't sweat much for a fat lass'

 

you see to lasses on the side of a dance floor - the one you fancy and her mate (usually a proper hound) - you approach the ugly one and ask her is she wants a dance, she will usually say yeah...then tell her to **** off while you chat her mate up!!

 

You must have a mirror in you knickers cause I can see my face there....