Couple.... of friends.

Have any of you ever managed to successfully keep in touch with an ex?

Would like to think it's possible, but can't see how it would work.

 

I still see mine once a week and we chat everyday. We split up because of family reasons though so it made it easier to keep in touch. Christian muslim relationships can never work.

The danger is forgetting the bounderies and a couple of times we have crossed them but we don't take any of it as a serious thing.

 

Yes. You need the one who didn't want the split to be a really good person though, someone able to become a friend instead and accept that sometimes you can care very deeply for someone, but not recipricate in the way they want.

 

yea, i did for a few years, lost contact when she moved away.
We stayed good mates and did drunk stuff together

 

After nearly 4 years we've split up.

I'm approaching 29, and she's just turned 22 and started back in uni in september. It was always likely to mess things up, but I thought we'd have been able to sort it out. Ah well....

There's been no arguing, or falling out, we're just at different points in our lives and they don't seem to be compatible.

We've seen each other a few times since and it's been friendly and light hearted. I'd like to think we'll stay like this, but know the reality is that long term it's going to be impossible. I can't imagine she'd be too happy seeing me with someone else, and in all honesty, it would kill me to know she was with someone else.

Time to cut all ties perhaps.

 

These things take time, but yes, it can be done.

5years after splitting with a very long term GF she's still a close friend an confidant, and that was worth the effort all round. Sam is spot-on about the short term; then, after a while it becomes much, much easier - it's more like extended family

Oh, and yes - once in a while we do still look at one another like that - and giggle, remember fondly, and move on doing nothing further about it other than maybe to smile internally. That, too, becomes a good feeling; jealousy is just an utter waste of energy in comparison.

 

Lol - agree. Especially if that side was really good, you can't help but 'know' lol
But as for being happy when they are with someone else - errrr - def YES! If you care deeply for someone, but for whatever reason you couldn't make it work for you two - then you surely want to see them happy. I am really happy to see my friend happy in a relationship, even more so that I know she is happy with us being friends and isn't some insecure person who hates her fella having a friend who happens to be a member of the opposite sex.

 

+1.

Mo, it really can work. Just depends how important that is to you. But most of all - give it time, and not the green-eyed monster.

 

Time.

Sorts a lot of things out apparently....

Like I said, there's been no arguing or such. In the 4 years together we've never really done the arguing thing.

Although it's been sort of mutual, I wont pretend to not be completely gutted over it.

We've lots of mutual friends, and she works part time around uni, for one of my brothers. So, we've seen each other several times and although it's been friendly and jokey, it feels weird. Suddenly boundaries and self sensoring involved. I pretty much had to grip the insides of my pockets when walking along with her, so as to stop myself automatically going to put my arm around her.

I think maybe some time with no contact is required, and then see how it goes after that.....

christmas is cancelled.

 

Time to forget her. Bang someone else, it will make you feel better.

 

yeah - time to forget, the quicker the better and move on...

sounds harsh I know, but it's from experience...but that's exactly what she'll be doing...

 

This seems to be the common opinion

At the moment my mind seems to change every nano-second about how I'm feeling about it.

 

No... is the short answer.

Six years ago I walked out on my marriage and decided it would be best if I set up a new life on my own. My ex even came with me to look at my new flat and thought it would be great if we could go out for meals and stay best friends. Six years on, I still email her as I now live in a different part of Britain, but, I never get a reply.

 

Hard luck Mo. Never easy is it. However. Stay on good terms, give it time, accept it when she's moved on and you'll still be friends if thats what you want. Sometimes it doesn't happen like that and you find that it was all or nothing and you never speak to each other again.

Its times like this when cliches all seem to make sense. 'Time is a great healer' is one of those. Get through it and in a few weeks/months you'll be fine.

 

+1 after a 6 year relationship that had died, but yes, same thing about it being mutual but me still feeling gutted. It's more that you're used to each other than anything else in the end.

Time's a great healer, but for me it was best to stay well away from her - as Mr Cat said, she'll be moving on as we speak just like my ex did, I never see her now and certainly wouldn't ever want to again.

 

yep - a lot of relationships seem to work on a (im)balance - whereas one person usually loves the other more - and it's this person who usually is left feeling the hurt most when a relatioship ends...

now, you just got to decide which one you are...

 

I learnt from my previous relationship, which ended after close to 5 years, that you can't just wait for things to happen and expect it to stay fresh. It takes work to make it.... work and I've always belived that when it starts to feel *too much* like work, then that's time to call it a day.

The point about being used to each other. I'd considered that too, (I've considered pretty much everything in far too much detail over the last couple of weeks to be honest!), as looking back at my ex (ex-ex?), that's how I see that now. But with this, I genuinely like her. I buzz off of her! She's fun, funny, and cute as f@&k too!
99% of the time when we're together it's great. Rarely argue, and we bring each other to the point of crying with laughter pretty much daily.

I expected things to change with her going to uni. At 22 I was off my face pretty much everynight, and I'd never want to stop her being young and stupid. What would be the point?

But over the last few weeks it was starting to mess my head up too much. One day she'd be talking about moving in and hinting at weddings and such, the next it was stress and space!

I said I'd pretty much had enough of it. Could see it turning into "bullshit", and would rather knock it on the head than get nasty. I hoped in a way that would mean we'd sort it out. She doesn't seem to think it can work.

Pretty much everyone who knows us both is shocked about it and seems gutted. Lots of mutual friends. Get on really well with each others friends and families too.

I've heard things along the lines of "take some time apart and then you'll sort it out" countless times. It does seem like a massive over reaction to just throw it all away when it didn't seem anywhere near to over.... to me at least.
Maybe I've just been too daft to notice it? But I genuinely didn't think it would end.
I'm worried that if we did realise it was a mistake and tried to sort it out down the line.... it may be too far down the line.

Sucks.

A lot.

 

yeah, not a lot I can add to that I guess - except that some people in there 20's seem to be able to settle down (or want to)with the right person - me, it took until my mid 30's

I some people who do settle down at that age tend to regret it later on...and I suspect the last thing a person who at 22 and at Uni wants to do is settle down...

it's a different era to that of our parents - women want (and rightly so) independence, money and to do what they want instead of being tied to the sink with kids (unless they see having kids as a cash cow and a way of not having to work...)

 

Dropped some of her stuff off at her place last night.

Walked into her room (student digs), sat on her her bed and said "fu@#in hell! bet this (the bed) has seen some action lately!"

Made me laugh at least.

T'was all nice and friendly and was nice to see her... then today it feels like back to square one in the "getting over her" process.

Sucks.

 

Don't see her again.