For Harry Potter fans

From today's "New York Times". I'd be interested to hear Jo Rowling's take on some of these treasures:

Memo to the Dept. of Magical Copyright Enforcement

China has a world-leading knack for churning out copies and counterfeits, and the release of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” last month prompted a surge of peculiarly Chinese imitations as well as a quickie unauthorized translation. Below are excerpts from the publishers’ summaries and the texts of the various “Harry Potter” counterfeits that have been circulating in China in the last few years, translated by The Times from the Chinese. While the selections may not always make sense (even, or perhaps especially to, “Potter” aficionados), we can promise you this: no spoilers.

Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk- Up-to-Dragon

Harry becomes a fat, hairy dwarf after being caught in a “sour and sweet rain”; he loses all his magic and can get it back only by obtaining the magic ring. After he does, Harry becomes a dragon that fights evil. Voldemort has an even more powerful brother who makes trouble for Harry.

Excerpt: Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face. For a civilized young man, it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the elegant bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dudley’s face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia’s bottom.

Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll

Harry Potter learns that Mysterious Man (Voldemort) is going to China to persuade his rival Yandomort to attack Harry as well as the Western magic world. Harry decides to find Chinese Porcelain Doll, who could beat Yandomort in China. On a passenger steamer, Harry makes friends with Long Long and Xing Xing, who are part of a Chinese circus. It turns out that Naughty Bubble, the boy who usually bullied Xing Xing at the circus, was Yandomort. After Voldemort killed Naughty Bubble’s mother, Big Spinach, he took Naughty Bubble as his disciple, and taught him black magic to make him become Yandomort.

Harry Potter and the Waterproof Pearl

With the help of Gandalf and Peter, Harry Potter and the Little Warriors find the sea city in the desert. They go through a keyhole into a mysterious land, where they get gold armor and kill the head of the monsters. On their triumphant return, Hermione disappears. Dumbledore tells Harry that Hermione has been kidnapped by a monster. With help from his friends, Harry obtains the waterproof pearl. To rescue Hermione, Harry barges into the Dragon Palace alone to have a showdown with the Dragon King.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Relative Prince

Harry realizes that his magic powers need improvement. He transfers to Qroutes School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the biggest and most exclusive school of witchcraft and wizardry on the Royal Continent. But appallingly, Harry becomes a blood-lust monster. He is finally beaten by his classmates.

Excerpt: Summoning charms? Everybody was surprised. Summoning was a kind of magic, but under normal circumstances, Harry had only basic skills in summoning low-class monsters. ... However, the black smoke that emerged from his hand showed the monster summoned by his art was at least some senior magic beast with special energy. ... How could he get a senior beast out of nowhere within only one month’s time? Nobody had ever heard of a magic beast named Little Fatty Fortune; certainly no one knew this was just a name that Harry invented himself. Everybody was eager to know how Little Fatty Fortune would perform, except for one person. That was Andoga.

Harry Potter and the Big Funnel

Harry Potter becomes an intern sorcerer and is assigned to teach at the Honiton School. Harry has a painful time in his aunt’s house, as Dudley has met a belly-dancing girl. As Harry prepares to report to his job, Bat Bug warns him disaster awaits.
At the school, his students become wooden stools one after another. Harry doesn’t know whether an evil student is behind this, or if his old benefactor Hagrid is making a mistake, or if the shadow of Voldemort has returned. Did it have something to do with the big funnel?

Harry Potter and Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

Excerpt: This was a secret I had cherished in my heart for seven days. It scratched my heart and made it itch, and I decided not to tell anyone of it. But when I saw Hedwig, my owl, jumping outside my window, I knew it was the call from Hogwarts for me. Yes, it was I who had received the Hogwarts admission letter! I could not tell anyone of this, I would ride on my favorite flying broom, together with Hedwig and my magic wand, go-go-go, night clouds in the urban sky would cover my trails, and the meteor you saw in the sky was my traipsing manteau.

Harry Potter and the Chinese Overseas Students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Seeing the evil Black Monster approaching the magic world, Dumbledore turns to the Chinese sorcery school Nine Mysteries for help. The school sends six teenage wizards, who with their mysterious magical arts astonish Hogwarts and transform the lives of Harry and his friends.
During their time with the Chinese students, Harry, Hermione and Ron gain the courage to beat Voldemort and Draco frees himself from the shadow of his family. When Hogwarts’ magic protection fails, Voldemort leads Death Eaters, werewolves, dementors and giants in a merciless campaign against the castle. Harry Potter together with the Chinese students fights Voldemort.

Excerpt: “But it seems someone is coming today. Look.” Hermione made them look where Professor McGonagall was standing. There was the Sorting Hat to the side, and she, Dumbledore and the other teachers seemed not to care about the food on their plates. They looked to the doorway from time to time, as if expecting something.
“Sorting Hat? Are new students coming?” Ron said with confusion, stretching his neck to see what was outside.
At that moment, Hagrid’s broad silhouette appeared. He had a smile on this face and strode towards Dumbledore, saying, “Here they come.” Dumbledore smiled with relief, as if a long-awaited thing had been finally realized, and he declared with joy, “Let them in, quick!”
He slowly rose up, making an announcement to all the students: “Attention, everybody. Let’s welcome these overseas students from China’s Nine Mysteries School. They’re going to study in Hogwarts starting today.”

Harry Potter and the Showdown

Harry makes his last visit to No. 4 Privet Drive, and his aunt and uncle are surprisingly kind to him. Snape shows up unexpectedly to ruin Bill’s wedding. Professor McGonagall reopens Hogwarts with Professor Slughorn as her deputy.
Snape breaks into Hogwarts and rescues Lucius Malfoy from Azkaban Prison. Harry believes that he can defeat Snape and Voldemort only by strenuously practicing charms. Professor Slughorn, inspired by a book from the East provided by Cho Chang called “Thirty-Six Strategies,” devises a plan enabling Harry to seize Snape in the Ministry of Magic. But Gryffindor’s sword, which hung in the headmaster’s office, assassinates Professor McGonagall.
When Harry confronts Voldemort at Azkaban, the Dark Lord tries to win Harry over as a fellow descendant of Slytherin. Harry refuses, and together with Ron and Hermione, kills Voldemort instead. Now what will Harry do about his two girlfriends?

Excerpt: Harry appeared to be extremely powerless in front of Snape, and he even became a little pessimistic. No matter whether he was in a car or at the Burrow, he felt his hands and feet could not fully extend. He wanted to ride on Buckbeak, to fly in the vast sky where he could enjoy doing something at which he excelled.
Buckbeak might be searching for food in Hogwarts’ Forbidden Forest as he received a signal from Harry’s magic wand. It would take him some time to reach Harry, perhaps five minutes. Though that was much faster than a car — Ron would need at least three hours to get to Hogwarts — the mere five minutes were so long for Harry. He wanted to fly into the blue sky immediately.