Here it goes again

father has been ill again, painful problems with ulcers on his one good leg.
5 weeks ago i had to go over his head and call the doctor and district nurse because he was screaming in his sleep, not nice to hear and im sure very painful for him.
The followin monday he was off to resbite as is usual, for 2 weeks.
Now entering his fourth week away, they have been trying to sort his pain relief and ulcers to no avail.
I had a call from the nurses last night, they have to get him out next monday. As it is a resbite home they can't hold the bed for him.
So they asked if i can look after him, using a hoist to get him in and out of bed. I had to tell them i am not comfortable with it, as i work 9 hours a day i cant see it being practial, what if he needs the toilet when i am at work??
So, now they are talking about putting him into a nursing home. I am worried about it, I dont think he is mentaly strong enough, he hates hospitals. He tends to be like a kid whenever hospital is mentioned. I can imagine him going down hill.
I worry that he wont come home again. If that happens i think there is a chance the government will take the house to fund his care.
So i may end up with a father in a home, and homeless (me and Kay)

Just when i think life is on the up, something always comes along to slap me down.
The story is more involved. I dont expect answers, just needed to get it off my chest.

 

I wish I knew more answers than to simply sympathize Andy. I feel for you and I'm sure everyone else here does also. I know so little about this, but is there not some sort of halfway solution or are you currently in it?
I hope you find some resolution to your problems soon without too much heartache.

 

Words escape me, but I am sorry to hear that mate

 

Same here. It's the worst thing that feeling of hopelessness watching someone you care about go through physical or mental pain and not being about to immediately alleviate their symptoms other than letting them get through it eventually with support where possible.

..and the prospect of maybe losing your own home too.

 

sorry to hear andy, try to keep him at home as long as poss., these places can be a waiting room....very undignified, too.

 

Thanks all.
TBH, im at a loss myself, cant think straight at all. Feeling quite low at the moment.

Although it is mainly his ulcers, i realy do worry that a nursing home will be the end for him. I'm finding that very hard to deal with.

After his stroke i knew he may not be here for long, but it's not any easier for that. I may be worrying over nothing, i realy dont know.

Lord, we have been in the half way house realy, the only reason he was allowed back to his home after his stroke is because i was here to look after him. I hate to say that i cant give him the care he needs, but it is the truth.

 

As others have said, I can only offer genuine sympathy.

 

Having been in that position myself I may well have a picture of what is going through the minds of both you and your Dad. Any chance of the local authority providing nursing care to pop in at your home a few times a day to sort things out? Nursing care plus something like local Meals On Wheels makes things managable and may well cost a lot less that a fulltime nursing home.

I know it is going to be rough for all concerned but your Dad and you do have a say in what happens - point out that care both personal and medical given to your Dad in the family home may be acceptable to you both. You to have a right to a life while your Dad is ill and I would expect this to be taken into consideration when care arrangements are being discussed.

I am not an expert on this topic but my local health authority was only too happy to listen to the "users" and went out of their way to accomodate our wishes (budgets willing).

 

Like others Andy, I can only sympathise. I don't know what to suggest.

 

Pennance,

If at all possible, follow up on Auric's suggestion of in home care & meals on wheels. We were able to arrange in home care for my grandfather. This worked very well, with 3 visits a day from the carers who would help him with meals, medication, bathing etc.

Without this, he would have had to go into a home. The in home care allowed him to live out his days relatively happily in his own house.

Hope you can find a good solution, this can be very confronting and painful to go through.

Stuart.

 

mark67

that has to be the most stupid post I've ever read. hang your head or at least delete it
penance good luck with everything i suppose you local council/social services/your gp/citizens advice would be good ports of call

all the best

John

 

What so he has to sit there and be miserable?

 

Auric, thanks for the advice. I will follow it up and hope it helps to sort things out.

Mark, thanks for your thoughtfull insight, what goes around comes around indeed. Maybe your turn next.

 

Good luck with it all, Penance; I reckon the meals on wheels/home help HAS to be the best route to check out - homes can be really nasty places.

My Dad's also going through the mill at the mo - he's got suspected prostate cancer and heart problems, so although he can (just about) get around etc at the moment, god alone knows what might happen in the next few months, so I can empathise with you here - hope he gets what he needs soon, and that you guys get to keep staying at home as well.

 

Mark, I would appreciate it if you would remove your uncaring remarks.
If you feel i should suffer the loss of my father because i passed on an email joke i received in work, i truely feel sorry for you.
This thread was for me to get something off my chest, not for others to say my father should die so as i suffer.

I hope i never have the misfortune of meeting you

 

Penance, sorry to hear the bad news. Hope everything works out for the best for all concerned.

 

Andy, i'm thinking of you mate, I went through something similar a couple of years ago, you really need support at the moment, Andy, you really need to take advice from others who are, or have been dealing with similar dilemas. Have you contacted the stroke association
Link to main homepage
http://www.stroke.org.uk/

Link to local support in Bristol.
http://www.stroke.org.uk/information/local_services_directory/severn/

Good Luck!

Paul

 

Thanks AK

I visited dad yesterday, and bumped into his new social worker.
Looks like he will be going to a nursing home. They kept saying that it is temporary but at the same time told me not to rely on that idea. They also mentioned using the house to fund it
So that realy helped to make dad feel better, not.

 

That's exactly what's happened to a colleague - he and his brother had to sell the house to fund the nursing home costs for his dad. Harsh, but perhaps it's the only way as at least your dad'll get round the clock care from trained people - which will be potentially easier on both you and him. I hope it all works out OK for you all