Jobs

Those grabbing implements look as though they could be amusing for a while, but i think the novelty would soon wear off, and the wife would certainly complain about the smell.

 

You might have enough for a basic proofreading job if you have GCSE/O/CSE level

Dustmen get SHEDLOADS of cash apparently - something to do with antisocial hours.

 

Dustmen used to get a shed load, then councils went to competitive private tendering and I reckon they get 1/2 what they used to. Just get any council job, then your pension is sorted in everyones poll-tax!
Litterpicking is better than it sounds. I do it about once a fortnight as a Parks 'gadgy' for a district council. I just spent today driving about 80 miles [mileage paid], visiting 19 sites just to check they are rinky-dink, and spoke to some residents with problems due to kids. I also get paid to ride a bike.

 

I'd love to. If you can find a use for my only skills which we can earn money from, we are there(dude). My skills:

Booze
Fags
Books
Music
Cynicism

I also have the rather bizarre ability of being able to remember matrix numbers from a fairly large number of rare and collectable records, as well as knowing what Black Sabbath were called before they were called Black Sabbath.

Hope that helps...

 

Let's see. Booze, fags, music, books, cynicism, matri numbers. Hmm. If you manage to add a large inferiority complex which you carefully disguise under an impenetrable sheen of arrogance, you could open your own branch of Reckless Records.

What were Black Sabbath called before they were called Black Sabbath?

 

Buy 2 decks

practice

become Paul Oakenfold

 

I also have the ability to eat 6 Cadburys Cream Eggs in under a minute. My ambition is to do 12.

 

The only reason you should be eating Cadbury's Cream Eggs is to practise your oral technique. In which case you need to slow down.

 

How do you currently employ these multifarious talents?

But Ron, as those initial honeyed contents spill onto ones esurient palate......

 

Cookie,

Here's a couple for you Minder/ Male escort, both pay rather well, can have 'odd' hours, but both are extreamly rewarding

 

Very nice WM. However, trying to convince the wife that a male escort just chats about literature and Beethoven sonatas over a light supper, or gets paraded around high society functions and art gallery openings, without going back for coffee, or that a minder justs shadows small rich people around to exotic countries and afternoon business meetings, just wearing shades and puffing out his chest, without incurring any danger, is somewhat beyond my abilities. Then again i may have overestimated her concern, hard to say.

 

How about

being a Traffic Warden.

Regards

Mick

 

On the other hand

If he lacks social skills but wants to make money, how about a taxi driver.

Regards

Mick

 

Re: On the other hand

I think Mr Toy might take issue with the implication there

Michael.

 

Maybe you could send him down to Spain,he could then open up a real estate agency along with everyone else,there is a massive property boom here,there are so many real estate agents here it is unreal,with a commision of 6% you don't need to sell many to make a fair wack,most of them have not a clue,just take a few details of the property,few pictures and thats it,show a client a property stand there like a pr@t sell the house,instant 10k,any your laughing,then you rent out other properties in the summertime,so come july and August,people come looking for villas to rent,more commision for you!so many people are doing this,and believe me NO qualifications required.

Thoes that don't become cleaners,so many cleaners here from the UK as well,probably about 5-6per hour,don't need much brain power for that.If he wants more money the best soulution is self employed,then charge what you can,as long as you can back it up with top notch service.

 

Bus driver? The buses round here always seem to be advertising pretty decent rates of pay for drivers.

Most banks take on staff with no specific qualifications and train them up. Pay won't be fantastic but you can beat £4 per hour.

My sister seemed to do very well with agency jobs, twice scoring jobs where she did basically bugger all all day for far too much cash. The first was somewhere entering data onto a data base. Sounds fair enough, but the company running it panicked about a deadline, got in loads of people to deal with it, but there wasn't much work. The system IIRC was along the lines of there being a room full of filing cabinets containing some forms that needed processing and many that already had. My sister was then one of many students employed that basically stretched out the few forms that had to be processed over many weeks. She then got another job, which she did for about a year, on a telephone sales line selling reconditioned PCs. The thing was she was one of about several people employed to answer a phone line that got two or three calls a day (I'm not kidding). So she spent all day reading and playing games on her PC.

Oh, and Black Books is fantastic, the first series in particular. Everyone should watch it

 

'Booze, fags, music, books, cynicism, matrix numbers..'

You're not Tony Lonorgan are you?

Bob

 

Thanks Adam. I know that there are no qualifications required as my sister and her husband emigrated only 6 months ago and are now involved in this very pursuit which you describe. Don't think this would be suitable though. The heat numbs his brain.

Taxi driver, traffic warden, bus driver, cleaner and data inputer. Thanks for the suggestions. How depressing.

He is currently in employment, however the future looks increasingly precarious, hence he thought it wise to put the feelers out, see what the alternatives might be. He doesn't feel any better for knowing and now hopes that his curent job continues for a very very very long time.

 

Post man, at least they finish by lunch time

 

Or your name is Barry and your boss is called Rob... ...and your main mission in life is to alienate people with dubious musical taste and/or quiet colleagues with overly-large headphones