Joke: The Perils of Duct tape

Subject: The Perils of Duct tape


Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.

He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got a huge erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the
courage
to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!", says Dave, "When are you going out?"

"Well, I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was
worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and
taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible.", says Dave.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, sexiest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

Paul slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."

 

Apologies to any blondes reading this...

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight
attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in
the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne
and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes
back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for
Economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne
and I'm staying right here!"

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to
reason. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde?, I'll handle this, I'm
married to a blonde, I speak blonde!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm
sorry," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The
flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to
make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne."

 

oooh goodie someone else has told a blonde joke... so i can amalgamate it with one of my other hobby horses and.....

why do blondes drive bmw's?

so they can spell the make of their cars on the insurance forms...

i thankew....


julian

 

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Not exactly sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."