Just fallen out with my best friend.

Its a long story but last week I over heared him say to a another person that I was hard work (because of my hearing loss). Too many times I get the first and last pint, he earns 10x more than me, I got the paid the majority of the beers in the shop and he said he would give me the money, last time he didn't so tonight I ask him the remainder of the money he owed me and he refused and tolled me to chill out.

He knows that I have just lot too very close relatives, he knows I am on the dole and trying to setup my own business, he knows how stressful it is for the me at the moment yet too many times he has been winding me up.

Every weekend he stays at hime and he dosn't even ask or thank my parents any more he just takes it for granted.

All this little things have just been getting to me and I've just had enough of it, people on here were more genuine when my grandad died when he was despite my grandad going out of his way to help my mate when he was dying of cancer.

I am just fed up of everything. I have only had 2 pints tonight but it feels like I have had 10.

I just can't cope with this anymore too many little things have just got to me.

 

I can sympathise AT, all I can say is that if he really is a good friend then hopefully you will be able to get over it, not without arguments and pains.

My best friend and current housemate went off with my then girlfriend last year, I was devastated. I wanted to just lock myself up and it shook everything. We have managed to get over it with time, and I am actually happy of my situation now.

Lay down the rules and let him know how you feel, but at the same time I hope you can resolove the issue. At the same time, if this guy is really taking the piss, just lose him. It must be harder than I can currently imagine loseing two relatives, I hagve been belssed so far. All I can say is the cliche that things can only get better (Im no blairite)

I have quandries here as a student from time to time, but I have to say, i think these may well be some of the best days of my life! Just got back from a random party, dont give up AT, all the best. Gus

 

I am no longer a student, but employed which makes it worse, but I am setting up a business and have just secured a small grant to help with that.

What your mate did sounds really harsh, I am sure mine would never do that, its just too many simple things which bugs me. I am a very principled person and he knows that - thats the very reason we became friends becuase he respected the fact I would take no shit at college years back and got the managers to but things right.

 

Hope you feel better this morning AT.

 

Ditto!

As for running of with a best mate's girlfriend angi73, that's something I'd never do, but let's face it, no two people have exactly the same standards. Either way, treading on someone else's toes like that is plain wrong, but at least even though you found out the harsh way she couldn't be trusted, you found out. What's to say she won't do the same to your mate??

 

Friendships, like marriage need working at, and the nature of them changes as you grow older. Ask yourself if he really is worth the effort. If the answer is yes then make the effort and work through the rough times, maybe give the friendship a break for a while and see whether he makes the contact. If the answer is no, then let it go and move on. I've lost countless "best friends" over the years, people move, get married, get jobs, children and different interests. When you are at school friendships are fairly solid and important and can be that way because of the structure of your life, but after school, college etc life becomes far more fluid and friendships have to become more flexible. It is also worth remembering that friendships are not just about you but about the other guy as well, do you fulfill his needs or do you only see this friendship as how he treats you? FWIW my best man and best friend now lives 500 miles away, I've spoken to him twice this year and not seen him in years, but he's still "my best friend".

Still, I sympathise. It's not a pleasant situation to find yourself in.

 

yeah, hope you're feeling better today - but as AH said - friends to come and go and most people only tend to keep a few close friends all their life.

you've just gotta decide whether this guys worth keeping as one.

 

I am not sure, all I know is I can't be dealing with crap at the moment like this, I am trying to setup a business, I am trying to raise finance (which I have been sucessful at so far) and apply for part time jobs at the same time.

I think his problem is he can be so insensative and last night he was just showing off in front of his mates. I don't give a toss anyway its like I will ever go to that club again, its an ilegaly over crowded lame indie club (mancs will know which one I am talking about .

I am not really feeling better but I am determined to make a sucess of my business and not let this bother me.

 

well, stuff 'em in that case...he doesn't sound worth it to me...

 

Absolutely AT you have to keep your priorities and your boundaries. Don't let someone else dictate your state of mind. Be sad or pissed off for a while but you have to keep your identity in tact; who you are and what you are like should not change because of something another person says or does.

Also consider this, you know you have lost your personal boundaries when you 'wont let go of what doesn't work' and it feels like 'I can't let go of what could work'.

If the friendship is not working and you can't fix it without losing your principals, then let it go. At least while you have a lot of other things on your plate.

I know it isn’t always easy (believe me I have had a lot of shit like this! :cry: ) but don’t let fear stop you being truthful to yourself about what you need/want and what you don’t.

 

Hey AT you have to look after numero uno first and foremost. When things get hard you always find out who you can really count on. IME really good friends who you can count on are few and far between.

 

Plus you can always go round and batter him with a b-ball bat, I feel like doing that all the time at the moment.

 

Yup. Let it go for now and if the friendship means anything worthwhile then you can pick it up easily when things are a little less manic.

I left school 20 + years ago and left some "good" friends behind. I moved on and away. This year, out of the blue, I've been contacted by a handful and we've picked up where we left off. Despite the massive time gap, they are still good friends. (I blame Friends Reunited for this)

 

True friends are hard come by, I'm sure there are things you do that eat him too! There must be a reason why you got so close?
I have one friend who I grew up with and have known years and was a brother but things change and people grow appart (just like with partners) I still see him occasionally but find it hard work as he's really lost the plot, ALWAYS has a problem and appears to have a drink issue always turns up pissed and last time he was spilling red wine everywhere (I evicted him).
Had a falling out with my m8 I spend most of my time with just last week (over pissed missunderstanding) but his friendship is too important to lose so I bit the bullet and appologised and that neither was thinkong clear, he agreed and apologised too.
As Active Hiatus said friendships take working at, you just need to decide its worth the effort?
Good luck with your venture, any clues?

 

The thing to remember is, is he really trying to piss you off? Do you think he woke up that day and thought, hmmmm, I know! I'll try and fcuk AT off today! Or do you think he he's not even aware of it?

If he's gone out of his way to do it........ then he's a tit.

If he's not even aware of it........ then that's just who he is. Pull him up on it (don't go over the top), see how it goes. If he still proves to be a tit, then is it worth bothering over?

Also, remember you're (from what I've gathered) under a bit of stress at the MOment. And no offence, but you do seem to be a bit of a drama queen on occasion. Maybe you're over reacting? Maybe not.

Friends do come and go. My best mate who I'd known pretty much from birth, got locked up at 16 for armed robbery. I seen him about a year ago and he's now a junky and been back inside many times. He and his girlfriend were both wasted and trying to use stolen cards and check books. I told him to put them away and that I'd buy drinks (I hadn't seen him for years and is dad was recovering from a near fatal accident so just wanted to hang out with no lecturing), so went to my brothers club. I phoned ahead to let him know we were coming and explained he'd been trying to cash dodgy cheques. The first thing he said to my brother (who was also very close) was "do you take cheques?" Lots of other crap happened - starting fights, asking mates who came over to talk to me if they could score any smack, his girlfriend trying to grope me and asking me to take her in the toilets, both egging each other on to start on one of my mates (who he knew himself form years back), and generally being a tit. He ended up starting on someone and I ended up dragging him out. Both he and his girlfriend started on the doorman, another friend of mine and basically embarassed the fcuk outta me.

We ended up dropping him off at the place he was staying. I told him I really hoped he sorts himself out, but to be honest if I didn't know him from before, I'd have knocked him out by then.

There was a lot MOre to it still. We had to drive to Bristol to pick up a mate that night and at first I was really wound up. But as I calmed down it was MOre upsetting than annoying. He was a decent guy who made a stupid mistake when a kid. Ended up inside and turned into a twat.

Another close friend (the one who he started on), is in court on the 18th. I just hope he seen enough of him to make sure prison (assuming he'll go down) doesn't effect him the same way.

Like all relationships, you have to work at them. But you have to decide when the work is MOre effort than it's worth.

 

I had a best mate who I trained with, went out with lalalala. We first fell out when his gf started poisoning him when I told him she was no good (and she wasnt). anyway, after a few months we got back in-touch but by this time he was popping 'roids and injecting GH at epic rates. He went totally off his head and started kicking off in clubs etc expecting me to back him up. he also started to fancying himself as abit of a Kray so that was it. Still kind of miss him though, could have done with him over the last few days!

 

My mates got a bit like that, I won't go into any details but he has a side line in selling copyrighted material on ebay, and his mate (who I don't go out with) sells coke (the ilegal sort) and canabis to supliment is income.

He sent me a text message saying I over reacted etc, I have not replied to it becuase I don't want to make things worse. He should think of why I have over reacted.

Its just a sad fact of life, you need friends or you will go into depression, but friends also annoy you and cause anger.

 

All friends have an anoying side, I think my friend over reacts he thinks I'm insensitive We are probably both right, I try to tread a bit more carefully and I guess (hope) he tries to be a bit thicker skined? It rarely flairs (usually when free drink from suppliers is involved) but if it does (3x in 5 years) I try and sort it quick.

he told me he was upset because I didn't phone him after his weekend away with his GF to ask how it went. I was not being nosey figuring he would tell me if he wanted to - the point is without talking about this neither would have known what was wrong.

Go for a quiet beer with him and explain a few things, you might be surprised he has no idea and has a few gripes himself?

 

AT most of your posts come over as someone who finds it difficult to cope with things, you come over as someone who feels the world is against him. Are you sure taking on a new business venture is such a good plan?

What I mean is why not get a full time job, or better still go do a ski season or something, get a shag have a larf. you know enjoy your early years.

Friends are friends for a reason its like family, sometimes things are rough.

 

Running your own business is somthing you either want to do not, its hard to explain but some people want to be doctors when they were young, some want to own their own business.

The reason I want to go down that path is for personal reasons and nothing to do with money, I will probably be earning less than £10k (wages) in my first year of trading.

I think considering I am coping very well there is just only so much I can take. I also enjoy stress and strive on it, I am not happy unless everything is hectic :

I intend to speak to my friend tomorrow to try and sort things out.