My Works gone Conkers

Ok this started off on our works notice board as someone selling conkers (I'm sure he was having a laugh) and it went on like this. I thought i'd post this up as funny things on our noticeboard tend to get deleted by admins with their senss of humor removed.

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Subject: FOR SALE: Conkers
I have a large bag of freshly dropped conkers that a small child would be really excited about.

If you would like them, email me and you can have them for £10.

Dave ******* (to protect the gulty!)

which quickly digressed to this!

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Subject: FOR SALE: Conkers
Free in Car Park!

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Subject: FOR SALE: String for Conkers
have a bag of pre-knotted string in various lengths suitable for conkers. A snip at only £10

Rikky

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Subject: Money Trees?
I was always told that money doesn't grow on trees…..

I have been misled all these years. …. Right…… how much do you think acorns are worth?

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subject: WANTED: URGENTLY required - Conker Polishing Machine
I am seriously considering purchasing a freshly-picked bag of conkers, and wonder where I may be able to acquire a conker-polishing or conker-buffing machine. Many thanks.

Bruce

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Subject: For Sale: Conker Holes
Two bags of regulation size holes for conkers, complete with certificate of authenticity. Will split £10.00 for the pair of £5 each.
Note these holes will only fit regulation size knotted string…...


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Subject: FOR SALE: Conker Wipes
I have 2 bin bags full of conker wipes (AKA Leaves 4 Conkers) which give a better result than any electronic polisher. £5 per bag


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Subject : FOR SALE: conker manual
I have an old "Conker v1.2 User Manual" for sale at £10

Paul

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Subject: Conkers Futures - advice needed
Does anyone know a Financial Adviser with knowledge of the Conakers Market? I heard a rumour that OPEC (Organisation of People Exploiting Conkers) was about to push prices up, and was wondering if a punt on the Conkers Futures market might give a worthwhile fillip to a widows' and orphans' pension fund. Is it true that Gordon Brown taxes 'windfall' profits?

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SubjectL Conkers
Before anyone decides to invest in conkers, I seriously advise you check their quality. My squirrel - for - hire will do this for you for only £15 per hour, during which time she will sort and grade up to 200 conkers. Extra charge for conkers still with shells on.

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Subject: Virtual conkers
For sale Sega Mega Drive Game Boy IV "Conker Death Duals"
All the thrills and spills of real conkers, without the dangers
Yours for £10.00 or one empy black bin liner

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Subject: Command and Conker PC game
you guessed it .. only £10

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Subject: For Sale - Self contained conker with private parking
3rd branch/floor 2 bedroom conker with woodland views in detached tree - GCH - double glazing - quiet neighbourhood - would suit 2 professional squirrels - 1 mins walking distance from county hall - private parking (within car park - as long as it's your designated day for driving!)

Valued at £185,000 (willing to exchange for similar property closer to town centre)

edit to add
Due to drop in conker market, am now willing to accept £10

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Subject: Getting the Best from your Conkers - Book
User Guide Book - excellent condition …

Getting the Best from your Conkers.

£10?

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Latin phrase book

Learn to speak popular Latin phrases with this excellent phrase book. For example: "veni, vidi, vici" - "I came, I saw, I conkered".

Only £10

Oh yes its a slow day at the office!