The Washington Post has just published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. This year's winners are... 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam. 12. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 14. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 15. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
