NHS v BUPA

The Queen was visiting one of London's top hospitals and she
specified that she would like to see absolutely everything.

During her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male
patient was w*nking.

"Oh my!", said the Queen, "Is this a normal occurrence, what is the
meaning of this?"

The Doctor leading the tour explains;

"I am sorry your Majesty, but this man has a very serious
condition and is only following doctors orders.
his body produces too much semen and his t*sticles keep overfilling.
until we can find out exactly what is causing this problem he's
been instructed to m*sturbate at least 5 times a day
or there is a danger that his testicles will explode, which could lead
to an extremely painful death".

"Oh, dear I am sorry", said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was
giving a patient a bl*w-job

"Oh my goodness!", said the Queen, "What on earth is happening
in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Well Your Majesty this man has the same problem
as the gentleman downstairs, but as you can see this is a private ward and
he is a private patient".