Oh Boy

I'd love to know the translation.  Maybe something like:

Our Magic Quantal Eminator will:

• Purify your drinking water
• Take the bad stuff out of your ciggies
• Make your drugs proper trippy
• Take the calories out of your fizzy pop
• Make your lippy more sticky
• Make that awful lumpy sofa you bought in IKEA comfy
• Put some nutrition into your Pot Noodle and make it palatable
• Give you dirty dreams
• Pump up your airbed and
• Make the flowers grow