This may take a whileââ'¬Â¦

Chavs shouting ââ'¬Å"Taxiââ'¬Â outside my flat at 2.40am.

Chavs beating up their girlfriends outside my flat at 2.40am.

Chavs doing anything at any time anywhere, especially outside my flat at 2.40am.

Merseyrail (where I am frequently the only person not in chav-crap sportsware).

Micro$oft.

Bloatware.

IRQ conflicts.

G. W. Bush.

Silly heavy metal guitars with pointy headstocks.

LP12s that take 4 hours to get a good bounce out of.

Dull bass strings.

Geoffrey Archer.

Stylus fluff.

Chavs.

Queuing for 35 minutes at the post office to mail out parcels.

Queuing for 35 minutes at the post office behind chav twats.

Sportsware.

Baseball caps.

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Trainers.

Children.

God.

Any other God.

Simon Cowell.

Stinky dogs.

Pavement pizza.

Digital compression.

Pop Idol.

Fame Academy.

Chav bands.

R 'n' B being both shite and not actually R 'n' B.

Fanatics.

Oliver Lettwin.

Teams.

Alpha males.

Sport.

The day after far too much Absinth.

Mick Hucknall.

TV soaps.

That total twat who presented the BB Eforum.

The BBC coverage of Glastonbury last year not showing Sigur Ros.

Donald Rumsfeld.

Ordering vegetarian food in a restaurant and finding bits of meat in it.

Tony.