Constantine

I saw this on the flight back from the USA. Apparently it is based on a comic book character who can see the half-angels and half-demons in the world and whose job it is to send the latter to hell (literally). I don't know the comic at all, but to me the film was pure, unadulterated


The premise is a joke, the story is poor (and virtually incoherent) and the acting laughably bad. Its one saving grace is spectacular visual effects.

I have mended my ways; the thought that hell could consist of endless reruns of this trash is enough to induce repentance in the most hardened of sinners.

 

Tones, I had the great misfortune to waste a couple of hours of my life in a cinema watching this appalling film (I still haven't forgiven the friend whose idea it was to see it). A two hour anti-smoking documentary would have been more entertaining, and probably more subtle in that regard. If there is ever an award for the least effective portrayal of the Devil, Constantine will win by a country mile.

I can only think of one worse film I've ever seen, the name of which escapes me but involved two groups of people trying to kill each other, on a ship that sinking ludicrously slowly, with the biscuit being taken by the Jaws style shark scene in the partially flooded kitchen. This at least had the decency to be amusing in it's crapness, unlike Constantine that was just painful to watch.

 

Maybe I saw a different film
I quite liked it. It helped that I didn't see any adverts/hype beforehand so had no expectations to be dashed (and no idea what it was about).
Good popcorn movie imo and worth getting on DVD.

 

Neither did I! I only went as a friend wanted to see it :gatling:

I'm now inclined to wonder what is wrong with you Gaffer , but glad to hear someone enjoyed it.

 

He hee ...well ok. I can't really pinpoint why I didn't mind it. I certainly hated "league of extraordinary actors/gentlemen" as well as "Van HellSh*te".

I just thought it's worth a look and certainly not that bad.

I thought their idea of the Devil was quite humorous in a "little britain" sort of way

 

There is perhaps something to the idea of the devil looking like a bored civil servant...

 

Neither did I, Gaffer. In fact, I'd never even heard of the film, and since I'd liked Keanu Reeves in "Matrix", I watched it in the expectation that I'd enjoy it. No such luck!

 

At least Lucifer didn't bleat on about Mana and ATC

 

Saw this last night,agree 100% with Tones findings.

 

This thread gives me an excuse to list some terrible films; somebecause they are, others because they just irritate me ....................The Chronicles of Riddick, Battlefield Earth, Matrix 2 and 3 , The Devil's Own. every Woody Allen film, Deadringers, The Piano.

 

Every Woody Allen film? A bit harsh I feel. I keep meaning to make the effort to see more of his stuff but never seem to spot the films when they're on TV and buying/renting DVDs seems a bit silly for the older stuff.

 

I'd rather watch paint dry.

 

What a shame - after your thread about L.A. Story I though you had some appreciation of what constitutes a quality film but since you don't like Woody Allen I see I was mistaken . Woody Allen is a genius. Any contrary opinion is simply incorrect

Michael.

 

You were correct in the first place and incorrect now. None of Woody Allen's films are worth consideration. This applies to all of us. Stop watching them now. Cloth-Ears has spoken ! :moony:

 

some things just ARE funny.

thats the way it is!

 

It wasn't funny. You merely imagined it.

 

Tones,

I have to disagree with you; this was, at worst, an above-average movie. It's based on a comic, what do you expect, Howard's End? Yes, the premise is laughable but for shows of this ilk, surely that is understandable. The acting was fairly commendable and although Reeves would not have been my choice (Michael Biehn would have been ideal), he does try hard and deserves some credit. At least the devil was played in a different manner, one that I found interesting. I mean how many ways can you play the devil? Special effects were generally decent and not overboard. All in all, a decent action movie.

Martin C,

I think the movie you referred to was Deep Blue Sea. That was definitely below-average.

Regards.

 

I thought that it was average (lost a few points towards the end). You cannot pan something for not being realistic if its not meant to be realistic. I remember that tw*t Barry Norman saying something about how the Star Trek film he was reviewing was 'un-realistic'. Err, a) its not meant to be and b) who the hell are you to say what will happen in 400+ years.

I like all sorts of films. But i generally find myself more critical of films that purport to portray reality as this is far far harder than blowing stuff up etc

Actually pretty much agree with Cloth Ears. Cant stand Woody Allen. The Piano was dire in the extreme. Matrix 2 wasnt all bad though.

 

Nope, that's not it. If Samuel L Jackson had been in the film I was referring to he'd have probably shot himself, or, perhaps more likely, the 'writer', director and anyone else involved in its creation.

 

Only 2 jaws style shark kitchen scenes i know of are - Deep Blue Sea with LL Cool J and a parrot with a gentically enhanced shark in a partially submerged kitchen. The other was Deep Rising - no sharks but an enormous Squid instead. If it isnt either of those then i can only presume it was one of those straight to vid/dvd Shark Attack 3 or similar.