unsolicited phone calls

[domfjbrown]

A mate of mine uses the line 'It's not really convenient to talk now. Give me your home number and I'll call you back'. The response is usually 'We're not allowed to give out our home numbers' at which point he ends the call.

I use an alternative take on that one: "Can I have your home number so I can call you back? No? Then why do you feel it's OK to call me on mine - goodbye".

Of course, another catch-all is "I rent this property. Goodbye".

Junk mail - in particular the MULTITUDE of credit card company toilet paper that gets sent to me - gets my goat... Supposed to be saving the planet, and I have half an Amazonian rainforest dumped on our front door mat every week.

 

[technobear]

Junk mail - in particular the MULTITUDE of credit card company toilet paper that gets sent to me - gets my goat... Supposed to be saving the planet, and I have half an Amazonian rainforest dumped on our front door mat every week.

Sounds like you should sign up for the Mail Preference Service

Now I only get unaddressed junk from the postman. At least I can see straight away that it is junk and put it straight into the recycling box

 

[amazingtrade]

With regard to junk mail if you don't want leaflets going through your letterbox put a polite notice on and people won't bother pushing one through.

However we have a no sales people notice on the door and they just ignore it

 

[Joe]

With regard to junk mail if you don't want leaflets going through your letterbox put a polite notice on and people won't bother pushing one through.

The free ballpoint pens that some charities provide come in handy though, because pens disappear all the time in our house (I blame the cats meself).

 

[mr cat]

when they ring, just say that you've left a pan on and can they hold on a sec - then just leave the phone and continue what you were already doing...(unless you were loudly cracking one off!)

 

[Bob McC]

Bottleneck's professed right to coldcall shows a breathtaking arrogance that has just confirmed I am absolutely right to keep telling such tossers where to go.

 

[HenryT]

I'd probably not mind so much, but they do always seem to call at the most inconvenient of moments. If I had the time, I'd definitely like to try out a few tricks in order to waste their time such as playing dumb, etc. :JOEL:

 

[inteificio]

You guys are so boring about this!

I used to work for telesales companies. They intentionally call you during meal times, they aim for the times where you are most likely to be in. Thats when it is most likely to make a profitable call.

They are there to be wound up. After the first few weeks of working for the company every telesales wench knows she irritates people. They classify that as part of the job, **** off 30 people to make the sale.

Remember they don't just phone healthy people, old people homes are a good target cos grannies are gullible, and are easy to pressure. People who call you know that they will probably irritate you. It is your duty as a citizen of this country to make them look as foolish as possible.

See what you can convince them of, use long made up words.

They are trained on how you deal with "I am sorry its not convenient now" they are not trained to deal with "oh wow its great you called, my dishwasher/printer/pet cat is malfunctioning. How do you fix it? "Then say you bought it from their company. Getting a double glasing salesman to give vetinary advice is very funny. You have to act a bit thick and very serious or it won't work.

Some guys will catch on quick but you can have real fun with the rest. They like stupid people because they are the most profitable demographic. Very old peopel are good too, it may take them 5 minutes to get to the phone but the odds of a sale are worth it. So act stupid and have some fun.

 

[bottleneck]

Bottleneck's professed right to coldcall shows a breathtaking arrogance that has just confirmed I am absolutely right to keep telling such tossers where to go.

kharma dude!

bad manners will come back and bite you!


in my own proffession (just to add, you wouldnt be a customer anyway) I only get ohh about one person out of about a hundred and fifty being genuinely rude.

I'm glad I'm not in the top 0.6% of rude people in Britain.

 

[bottleneck]

The point it those calls should be genuine callers not people trying to con me or sell me some double glazing for the none existing shop front.

Anyway since telling the last caller to poitely f**k off the cold callers have stoped . I have also signed up for the tps.

Again, if you choose to advertise your company with flyers, leaflets all with your phone number on them and generally put it under as many noses as possible, then it does seem hypocritical to complain when you receive a few calls.

 

[inteificio]

As you guys need proper motivation I am willing to make an offer.
I will seriously give a prize (value max £5, I ain't a millionaire) to the person who does the funniest humilation of a telesales ****.

Try hard. And remember the longer you hold them on the phone the less time they are calling other people.

My next broadband call will be simple. Agree to everything they are saying but when they talk about transfering your telephone line say you don't have one. See how long you can string them along.

 

[bottleneck]

Remember they don't just phone healthy people, old people homes are a good target cos grannies are gullible, and are easy to pressure. .

Seriously Peter, there are tens of thousands of people doing telesales, telemarketing, appointment making and all sorts of cold-calls in the UK today.

It seems more than a trifle harsh to lump them all together as con men and women who set out to rip off grannies.

 

[inteificio]

They are not all con men set to rip of grannies. It would be silly to say that. I do believe that every company who cold calls people at home at some level of managment is evil.

I would however say that all but the most retarded and nieve have made the descision that it is ok to make people unhappy for profit. They are happy to cause irritation to others because they get paid. It is one step above a hired thug.

Business to business sales tend to be different.

Name me one, actually two companies that have a cold call telesales team thats behaviour is above reproach.

 

[bottleneck]

Sure, I do aknowledge what i do in business to business is different.

In terms of cold calling calls I had recently that were pleasant and fine -

BT - wanted to introduce me to their new scheme of combining mobile phones with landlines.

HSBC - called me (I bank with them) to ask if I was happy with my mortgage.

Thing is Peter, what about the people who take out schemes (like the above 2) and actually save money, or get a better product as a result? I don't think they'd feel as you do about the call that saved them money.

Even I (a staunch defender of cold calling when done PROPERLY) have bad feelings about some small parts of the industry.

Thing is though, I genuinely do feel you can end the call quicker by a pleasant 'thankyou but I'm not interested' than any other way.

It's quick, polite and leaves everybody feeling good about themselves - including the poor sap on £4 an hour with 3 kids to feed..


**NB** no offense to anyone with my earlier posts - I'm trying to defend something which seems to need it!

**NNB** I'd also admit to going over the top with my posts before..(and maybe even apologise) hey, we all get fired up and go OTT.

 

[amazingtrade]

You still miss the point, I am a new business and need all the customers I can get, when I a customer phones I am really pleased, when it is some pratt trying to sell me useless advertising then it is hardly surprising I get annoyed.

Luckily since getting angry the only calls I have recieved are from genuine customers.

 

[amazingtrade]

They are not all con men set to rip of grannies. It would be silly to say that. I do believe that every company who cold calls people at home at some level of managment is evil.

I would however say that all but the most retarded and nieve have made the descision that it is ok to make people unhappy for profit. They are happy to cause irritation to others because they get paid. It is one step above a hired thug.

Business to business sales tend to be different.

Name me one, actually two companies that have a cold call telesales team thats behaviour is above reproach.

With mail shots I don;t mind, they are not nusiance, I get them from Viking and Dell all the time, in fact I have actualy spent a lot of money with Viking and so have my parents.

With mail shots you can think about but with phone calls you're put on the spot.

If I was working doing a 9-5 then I would not mind cold calls because it does not affect my earnings but at the moment when I people cold call it just annoys me because I think it is a customer.

 

[BOOGS]

find out where they live And BOMB THEM !!!

its what they deserve........

anyone calling me at home or mobile, that is of a sales nature, has BETTER BRACE THEMSELVES !!!

I will let the expletives loose, unremorcefully !

I DONT WANT TO BE DISTURBED, its as simple as that.

no ifs, no buts, no nothing.

my number is for me to give to people, who I allow to call me....

any nonsense about PUBLIC DOMAIN, is just bull...........

what ? so my house is on the street ? and so is my parked car on the road ?

so they are public domain then ? I should allow anyone to enter them ?


people are far too lenient..............

 

[Bradders]

do not call again.

1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
ââ'¬Å"Is it a low interest rate? mmmmmââ'¬Â¦I like low interest ratesââ'¬Â¦really lowââ'¬Â¦Ã¢â'¬Â

2. In an outrageously excited tone: ââ'¬Å"Thank god you called!!!ââ'¬Â Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.

3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.

4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter ââ'¬Å"sââ'¬Â. Tell him you won't report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.

5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.

6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : ââ'¬Å"Dan, stop screwing aroundââ'¬Â¦we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?ââ'¬Â

7. ââ'¬Å"Congratulations! You're the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You've just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul's celebrity vacation house.ââ'¬Â Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat's litter box.

8. Flirt.

9. Keep repeating, ââ'¬Å"I knew you were going to say thatââ'¬Â¦Ã¢â'¬Â

10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentenceââ'¬Â¦ see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say ââ'¬Å"That really hurts my feeââ'¬Â¦feeââ'¬Â¦ feeââ'¬Â¦ feeââ'¬Â¦feelââ'¬Â¦feeââ'¬Â¦ feeââ'¬Â¦ feeââ'¬Â¦Ã¢â'¬Â ad infinitum.

11. Pee on the phone while he's talking.

12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn't mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice ââ'¬Å"May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may varyââ'¬Â

13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.

14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.

15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, ââ'¬Å"2.3% interest rate? oh myââ'¬Â¦did you know Barbara was
23 when she filmed Funny Girlââ'¬Â¦Ã¢â'¬Â

16. Every few minutes repeat, ââ'¬Å"You're going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problemââ'¬Â¦who is this again?ââ'¬Â

17. ââ'¬Å"Oh my god, I used to have your jobââ'¬Â¦does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)ââ'¬Â¦which building are you in?ââ'¬Â Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.

18. Regardless of the offer tell him you'll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you'll take 9, but that's as far as you'll go.

19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. ââ'¬Å"You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can't you see I'm on the damn phone?ââ'¬Â

20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.

 

[RichyB]

My ploy is to say that I'm in the middle of something right now and can't talk. When they ask when it would be convenient to call back, I tell them next time I'm out.

Rich

 

[inteificio]

its quite nice. recently I have had quite a few sales calls to practice on.

I must admit I work in sales myself so I am well trained in the sales ploys they use and its quite fun when you reverse it and close them.

providing information that they need to progress the sale presented ina format that makes it impossible to speak.

I must admit I was quitecruel to the last wench that called. She lied to me twice in an opening paragraph. Good evening sorry to bother you, in the interest of customer satisfaction we are installing windows for free, how many will you have done.

my responce, (in enthusiatic getting other person to agree to agree voice) that sounds quite an interesting deal. Just a quick question, if you knew you were bothering me why did you call?

kept ongoing like that. providing informationshe wants followed by an unanswerable question. I stumped her to silence 4 times.

best bit of call was when she said to someone in the background. "dam almost got one but i ****ed it up"

I wish to stress the entire time i am speaking in a very calm, polite but assertive manner. She was not in control of that call at all. it was quite fun. I hope I was never that bad when I started in sales!