Your bottom ten worst artistes of all time

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)

 

1. Sean Paul
2. Dizzee Rascal
3. The lamentably overrated Beyonce Knowles and any artist or band who considers 'Uh-oh' to be a lyric.
4. Coldplay
5. Snow Patrol
6. Fast Food Rockers
7. Robbie Williams
8. Alex Parks
9. The Eagles
10. Queen

 

"But sometimes I'd feel more fulfilled
making christmas cards with the metally illuuuuugh"

"So I brrrroke into the palace
with a spongue and a rrrrusty spanner
she said 'I know you and you cannot sing'
I said 'That's nothing - you should here me play peeyano'"



I like the Smiths personally - and Morrissey - simply because he can sing one word and a C90 still runs out of tape before he finishes...

"I--------------m so so----------ry
I-i-i-i----i-i I'm s-h-h-h-ho-orrry"

etc etc

I'm going against the grain here for my first of ten...

1) I LOATHE classical - almost all of it bores the arse off of me. Even stuff like the obvious things like Beethoven (Beef Oven would be about right) where it starts off all interesting sounding, then after about 1 minute descends into mind numbing crushing boredom. Why can't all classical be like the pre-historic "progressive trance-ess" of Grieg's "In the hall of the mountain king"? About the only classical I can stomach all the way through is Elgar's Cello Concerto (it's pure class!) or maybe The four seasons, though that's probably because everyone HAS to like that 'cos the blooming thing is everywhere! I'll hear the odd bit of classical I like, but I'm not going to pay even Naxos prices just to get one little portion of a movement that I like.

:chunder:

2) Captain Beefheart. "Trout mask replica" is the sound of someone beating a cat to death while a person has an epileptic fit on the drumkit. Shite. No-one will ever be able to get me to like this crap.

3) Avante-garde/freeform jazz - see 2) Yuk.

4) Kylie. She's always been crap, and I don't rate her tits or bum either - even the videos put me off!

5) Boy/girl bands - though Girls Aloud and Bond get by by being fit.

6) S Club 7 - though I'm torn badly on "Don't stop moving"!!!

7) Snoop Doggy Dogg/any other rapper who thinks they're good when they're not. Ice T gets around that through the hilarity of the last track on The Iceberg - having someone's head drilled in is cool...

8) Peter f***in' Andre - Moff never got it so right when he went off on one about torturing Andre with "a metal coat hanger down the japseye, really hurtin' the f***er, followed by a short sharp dose of electrity to the testicles" etc etc. Faggot puff who's muscles make up for a lack of member (my cousin's mate's had him and it's tiny - he's definitely overcompensating!).

9) Radiohead (again) - I was one of the people who had taste and saw Super Furries instead at Glastonbury; 90000 people CAN be wrong! (I automatically exclude my mate Loveday from this, since she'd not heard much of their stuff, and "didn't realise they were so dark". Errm, been living on the moon mate!? )

10) Elvis. Yep. He sucks. A couple of GREAT tunes in the early days, but in the end all he was was some fat rich munta who died while takin' a dump.

11) - yep, these crap bands I hate go Spinal Tap - because I forgot to mention....

BLOODY HIFI SHOW DEMO MUSIC - ALL of it. Audiopile of dung tinkly tonk tosh. In fact, I'd not be surprised if that "old man fashioning a kayak out of a log" in Wayne's World 2 wasn't being recorded onto superfi 2000 gsm vinyl that's an inch thick, just so some speaker company can get the nth resonation out of the axe blade, but only if you use their design.

What's wrong with Queen??

 

Re: Re: Your bottom ten worst artistes of all time

Other than the most ludicrously melodramatic overblown music played with the World's worst known guitar sound, not much really.

Queen are the musical equivalent of Little Britain's Emily Howard.

 

Re: Re: Re: Your bottom ten worst artistes of all time

No No Cuz she's just a slag right

 

Re: Re: Re: Your bottom ten worst artistes of all time

They did do other songs than Bohemian Crapsody...

 

Re: Re: Re: Re: Your bottom ten worst artistes of all time

I hadn't heard that one.

 

My worst artistes ever, in no particular order, and clearly I'll be kicking myself soon for forgetting certain artistes that I can't stand, but these are the ones that spring to mind now

1) Paul Weller – Miserable get (mainly when I've seen him in interviews etc) with an irritating voice
2) Girl/Boy Bands – Rubbish especially Busted
3) Jazz (as a genre) – Doesn't float my boat
4) Eric Clapton – Talentless shite guitarist (14 year olds can play most of his uninventive “musicâ€Â)
5) Michelle McManus – Cannot sing full stop
6) Red Hot Chilli Peppers – I suspect this band has many gay followers. What's with the freak of a lead singer parading his arse physique about half naked on everything….gay bar anyone?. Oh and the music's rubbish to.
7) 50% of Queens stuff (can't stand the pop stuff like Bohemian Rhapsody)
8) Norah Jones – Shite of the highest order
9) Bands where every song sounds the same (such as Evanescence)
10) Katie Meula – Just when I thought I'd got rid of all the rubbish Welsh singers, along come Cerys Matthews version 2 :banghead:

Well those are what I can think of now, it's all down to personal preference in the end, that's why I've not commented on some other artistes here, some of whom I can listen to. That's why I never get into arguments over things that are purely personal preference like music and movies – ya like what ya like :MILD:

 

What I find amusing, is that I could pick 10 bands I really enjoy listening to from other peoples lists!!!!

they would include..

1) pink flloyd
2) U2
3) radiohead
4) Queen
5) Elvis (early)
6) Coldplay
7) Red Hot Chilli Peppers
8) Eric Clapton
9) The Smiths
10) The Eagles

...and many more!

 

I like the Eagles, Queen & RHCPs, but I was too scared to say. Hoisted on my own petard, eh?

 

I can live with all those - as I say, Elvis EARLIER is good stuff in its place.

Oh yeah - I forgot to mention Plebby Williams as well - wander if that fat tosser's blown his squillion quid advance yet? He was crap in Take That and he's been crap ever since.

Alex Parks is cute - so at least she's watchable with the sound off!

Snorah Jones = Phwoara Jones Her stuff is very mellow but it's not THAT bad.

 

Spot on. Few bands can put me in a undoubtedly good mood like The Smiths can. Bigmouth Strikes Again always puts me on top form for going out.

Again, in agreement on this one. Fantastic music.

 

1. 'Dance', since we appear to be allowed to include entire genres, and I'm casting this net wide to encompass anything with a named niche in the vague idiom.
2. Jamie Cullum (?).
3. Joss Stone.
4. U2.
5. Girl Bands (but I only mean crap ones, so not Supremes etc)
6. Boy Bands (ditto, I'll allow The Four Tops or even The Monkees)
7. The Swingle Singers.
8. Women who can sing but are aurally offensive. Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, etc etc.
9. Men ditto. I've blanked the names out...
10. There is no 10.

Paul

 

Hoo-hoo, just you wait. An evening of Leftfield, K&D sessions and the lovely Joss awaits you...

 

on the Offensive

#1 World Music - World Pap more like. A heinous attempt at reducing the cultural diversity and heritage of the world into samey, sleep inducing bite-size chunks for rhythm-challenged North Europeans.
#2 White "dance" music - is a non-sequiteur. White people can't dance (or sing, or play drums).
#3 - Rawk - the only noise that sends me to sleep @120db
#4 - "audiophile label" - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
#5 - Songbirds - Pah. I want a Woman, not some poxy warbler.
#6 - Songboys - ooh er. No way.
#7 - Jazz-Rock / Fusion. aka Jazz ****-up. Masturbatory twiddling from overgrown trainspotters (see rawk).
#8 - Club Trance. Perotin's Te Deum is trance music. Club trance is simply Tedeus. No. It's more than that. It's stupid, dumb and pale-assed.
#9 - Classical music after 1800. Yawn. JS was in da groove (but he was the exception).
#10 - Euro Jazz. Those cats couldn't swing if you tied them to a lamp post and hit them with a baseball bat. But it's a good idea anyway.

 

Okay, let's get controversial:

1. The Beatles. Where does one start? Ugh! It's not art, just four scousers with bad haircuts and clothes. Can we just turn it off now.

2. Massive Attack. Prematurely ejaculated Unfinished Sympathy, then went all limp. Purveyors of turgid 'trip hop' remarkable only for how seriously it takes itself.

3. REM. La, di, da. Just embarrassing, really.

4. U2. REM with knobs on, the chief one being Bono (which, pertinently, is O!Nob backwards).

5. Deacon Blue. They're Scottish.

6. Dire Straits. Music for the sort of men whose summer wardrobe consists of a series of polo shirts collected around a buff colour scheme, tucked in to thick canvas shorts collected around a navy colour scheme that stop just above the knees, and deck shoes collected around a brown colour scheme. Really, if they stuck a pair of socks on, collected around a white colour scheme, they would at least earn some respect for being total tits.

7. Iron Maiden. Tuneless wank fantasies for suburban teenage boys whose idea of rebellion is to draw skulls on the back of their exercise books.

8. Robbie Williams. A gurning moron. He actually thinks he's fit to lick the soles of Frank Sinatra's boots!

9. Travis/Coldplay/Starsailor/Stereophonics/etc/etc/etc. The best argument yet for bringing back National Service.

10. British singers singing in American accents (see 1). Why? You don't get Beyonce or whoever coming on like Hilda Ogden, do you? Even Billy Bragg is doing it. Please!

Bubbling under, all the usual suspects: Queen/Pink Floyd/Genesis/The Clash (Yes! The Clash!)/The Beautiful South/Simply Red/Pink Floyd… er, have I mentioned them already?

 

My name is Ron.... Pure class I couldn't agree more!!!

I cannot limit myself to 10 so I will be a touch more generic.

Cover versions..Anyone who covers another artist is displying a lack of talent beyond comprehension I have yet to hear a cover that I like. (Jazz standards may be an exception)

Pop music in general..Specifically I'm thinking of the sort of stuff enjoyed but 13 year old girls and their mums.

Gangster rap... How can you whine on about your tough days in "da hood" and then drive your Bentley back to your fking mansion in Beverly Hills, a fact clearly proven by 50 pences claim to have been shot which I understand is bollocks. This goes for MandM asnd virtually the entire content of MTVbase etc ..what happened to happy hip hop and or decent lyrical hip hop...

Free form music of all types..It's just shite isn't it?

My god this is a can of worms I must stop before I go off on one...The darkness,,,what the **** is that all about?



Hey this thing edited my vitriol what the **** is that about



Look it ****ing did it again there!!

 

I agree with most of what you said but have to take - admittedly, quite mild - exception to this statement. Most are poor, it has to be admitted, but then you get Hendrix doing 'All along the watchtower', Aretha Franklin doing 'Let It Be' and 'Eleanor Rigby' amongst others, Bobby Womack doing 'California Dreaming' to mention a few, and I think you have to admit that not all covers are bad.

I can only think of one entry for my 'bottom ten worst artistes of all time', which'd be J-Lo. I've looked at numerous pictures of it and can't see what the fuss is about.

 

Totally agree with that.

Yes, I'm afraid I've set the forum to censor certain words

Ron, agree mostly with you but, ahem, "The Beatles" ????? I'm sorry, but you're wrong about them. Tell me the name of a band you do like (are there any?) and they'll almost certainly list The Beatles amongst their influences.

Whilst I'm posting, you (and sideshow) are wrong about Pink Floyd aswell

Michael.

 

Even I draw the line somewhere. The Beatles are what made the early Seventies seem like such a desert. Mind you with Mud, Slade et al., this was not too difficult.

Massive Attack are good, too, though I don't know why everyone seems to think 'Blue Lines' was their best, when it's obvious to me that 'Protection' is miles better.